Link: The Happy Happy Mask Salesman
by Majin Magus
Summary: It's a humor story about Link having to sell masks.
1. Chapter 1

Link: The Happy Happy Mask Salesman

__

By Majin Magus

Prologue

Link, wanting a Hylian Shield replacement since a monster had eaten it while he had been exploring the Spirit Temple in the future. It figured that all items he had found and possessed in the future/past came with him when he went to the other. 

As he squeezed his way through the hoards of people in the Market, he thought that in seven years or less this would be a broken down town with nothing but Redeads for inhabitants and a twisted king named Ganondorf. 

Suddenly, Link slapped himself in the head. Why had he come back here? Hylian shields could be bought in Kakariko…couldn't they? He had never stopped at the store there before, he had only run through the Potion shop to deliver a Mushroom.

"Oh well," Link sighed, slowing his walk through the Market. "I get to see happy and prosperous people. This isn't so bad…besides, if I went back now I would have to pass through the future town." Link was sure there was a temple around Kakariko, but he couldn't spot it. He hadn't been to future Kakariko since before he defeated Morpha.

A burly man greeted Link from behind the counter. Link spied on his shelves Bombs, various Deku items, and…

"One Hylian Shield, please," Link asked, trying not to get on this big guy's bad side. As he pulled out his big wallet, he discovered there were only ten Rupees inside!

"Damn…oh, I mean, shucks," he corrected. Link had a little habit of cursing, since he had been an adult for a while, and the terms he had learned in the forest just weren't enough to express yourself when you got ambushed by Skulltulas and got your 300-Rupee tunic eaten.

The big guy looked surprisingly down at Link. "Now don' yeh star' cursin', lil' man," he said gruffly, putting the big shield back on the shelf. Link walked grudgingly out of the shop, even though he had spent most of his money on the Archery Game in the Market before coming to this store. He did have a new Deku Nut bag, though. 

"Can't take on the temples without a big shield, the monsters'll slice and dice me. How can I make some cash?" Link growled, using his sword on a potted plant by the fountain. A large lady in a blue and white dress poked him.

The lady smiled at Link. "You might want to try the Mask Shop. Just opened," she said, obviously expecting this idea to make Link hop for joy.

"I said, '_make' _money, not lose it," Link replied silkily under his breath. Nonetheless, he walked into the Happy Mask Shop.

Inside, there was a large sign and at the counter was a thin man with a pointed face, squinty eyes, and red hair that was slicked back. He rubbed his hands together eagerly as Link walked in.

"Welcome to Happy Mask Shop, please read sign before we deal," the man said politely, though his excitement at having someone come in the shop shown through.

Link read the sign, then looked at the man. "Okay, that explained nothing. Tell me clearly, how do _I make _money?" he asked, an edge of tell-me-how-to-make-money-or-I-will-use-my-sword in his voice. The man explained everything clearly. 

"So, I borrow it, find who wants it, then bring the money back and pay you the price of mask and I keep the change. Easy enough," Link commented. "Now, is there a membership fee?" 

The man looked pleased. "A worker with a sense of humor…good…," he mumbled. "No, and how does a little kid like you talk with a big vocabulary and sarcasm?"

Link had a look of seriousness on his face that would have been better suited on his older self. "I'll start immediately," Link proclaimed, and the man handed him a mask.


	2. Chapter 2

Link: The Happy Happy Mask Salesman

By Majin Magus

_ _

# Chapter One

Keaton Mask

Link blinked. "What is this?" He stared at the mask in his hands. The man behind the counter grinned. It was yellow with pointed ears and squinted eyes.

"The Keaton mask. Now, the right mask for the right person…just have faith," the man whispered, a sagely look appearing on his face. 

Link rolled his eyes. It looked strange coming from a kid. "Yeah, that _was the secret of the universe. Thanks for sharing that wisdom, weirdo." He muttered the last word under his breath as to not lose the chance to get a new shield. He also needed a new Deku Shield, but that could wait longer. _

As he departed from the store, Link looked somewhat brightly at the people in the Market. One of them had to want this mask…

"AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT is THAT?!?"

"EEEEYYYYAAAAH! What's your problem?" 

"What a strange mask…"

"You know, I used run around with masks too."

Link sighed and sat down just outside of Market. With just these people thinking he was a weirdo, how could he ever sell this mask and get a new shield. He got up and walked over to Kakariko. 

A wolf howled somewhere, and Link instantly took out his Kokiri sword. At that instant, two small skeletons popped out of the ground. One of the Stalchilds, with its glowing red eyes, swung at Link. He blocked its arm with his sword, pushed on the hilt and the sword went straight through. The skeleton didn't seem to mind; it kept coming straight for him. 

All through the night, for six hours, Link was constantly on his guard. He tried to stay on the path and tread softly, but the Stalchilds always came for him. After destroying about fifteen, a giant Stalchild, a little taller than he, erupted from the ground.

"Aah! What the hell?!" Link cried as he danced back. Cautiously, watching the Stalchild blink at him, he put away his slingshot and got out a large red crystal. It seemed to be hollowed out and there was a fire inside, but it was a magical fire, since if there really was a fire in there, it would burn out from lack of oxygen.

"Din's Fire," Link whispered. He drew his hands back, the crystal hovering above. He jammed his right fist into the ground and burning red flames sprung up. The Stalchild froze and was knocked into pieces. 

Link grinned victoriously. "Now who's the pile of bones? Although, you were already bones…" Suddenly a rooster crowed. "Oh, daytime. Time to find a customer.

The sun was rising over the field, and a mist was settling on the ground. The grass became dewy, causing Link's boots to get wet.

"Too bad," Link sighed, "in a few years this'll look the same, but it will be infested with evil." 

A grin appeared on his face. "But that's what I'm here for, huh? One more temple after the Spirit, and then it's…straight…to…Ganondorf. Oh, darn. I was hoping for, I don't know, a vacation or something…"

"Least I'm done with that Water Temple. I would be halfway through the last temple if it weren't for the fact that my shield is gone…figures…I bet the treasure of the Spirit Temple on the statue's left hand is a shield." Link sighed. "Figures."

And so Link continued to Kakariko on his quest to earn money. 

"Excuse me, sir, would you like a mask?" Link asked a large man standing under a tree.

"And what is that mask of? Forget it, I have lots of work to do! Go play or something. I have to motivate those lazy slackers," he mumbled, shooing Link away with his hand.

Link walked away. "Hey, would you like to buy a mask?" he asked, walking over to a girl. "This is a-a…Pika…no…Kee…Keaton! Yes, that's it! This is a Keaton mask, want it?"

The girl smiled, but shook her head. "Sorry, but I'm far too busy to play with masks. Maybe you should ask around. I do reach someone talking about needing a mask, or something," the girl said thoughtfully, then turned and continued walking.

"I'll never get that shield…" Link mumbled, thinking vaguely of walking over to see the Gorons. Some of them might want this mask. No, that was wishful thinking, but it was all Link had to go on. 

"Or Ruto, or Saria! And maybe the Kokiri would this Keaton mask!!" Link cried, realizing he knew lots of people. One of them _had _to want this mask!! 

As Link walked with a little more happily a gait, the guard at the gate to Death Mountain Trail stopped him.

"Did you say Keaton?" he asked seriously.

Link brightened more. "Yeah, yeah! You want the mask?!" He couldn't believe it! A person wanted…but what if he didn't?

The guard suddenly looked embarrassed. "Actually, it…it isn't for me. It's for…for my son," he mumbled, his face going red. Link really didn't care; he just wanted money.

"Oh, that's okay! I understand!" Link said cheerily, holding up the Keaton Mask. "You want it for your kid?" 

The guard stared at it. "Yeah…yeah, I'll take it. Here." He handed Link fifteen rupees. "My kid's gonna flip when I show him this! Thanks, Mr. Hero!"

Link fingered the money eagerly. "So the mask cost ten rupees, and I get five. It's a start." And then he headed back to Market.

*

As the bustling crowd made it difficult for Link to get to the Mask shop, the sun went slowly down. He quickened his pace stepped inside the Mask Shop. The owner glanced at him and placed another mask on the shelf. Link handed him the ten rupees.

"You earn five rupees. Very good. And remember; just have faith…" the owner said, an airy, vague look coming over his face. 

"So, can I have the next mask?" Link asked, bringing the man back down to earth. He shook his head, confused, and handed like the new mask.


	3. Chapter 3

Link: The Happy Happy Mask Salesman

By Majin Magus

_ _

# Chapter Two

Skull Mask

Link pocketed the Skull Mask and used the Ocarina to warp to the Lost Woods before the shop owner could do his 'have faith' thing again. Link saw Saria sitting over on a tree stump and went over to talk to her. He took the mask out his pocket and looked at it.

The mask was like a flattened skeleton with horns that were not pointy. Rather round and dull, actually. Saria looked at the mask in Link's hand and frowned.

"That mask…makes me sad. It is depressing, don't you think?" Saria said, Link nodding. "This mask makes me sad for death. Like the fact that we'll all be skeletons someday."

Link sat on the soft grass next to Saria for a while, talking with her. The fact that he needed a new shield and money didn't concern him. He hadn't seen her in so long. He showed her all his new equipment, including the stuff he couldn't use. She liked the 

"I really must get going, I have to save Hyrule," Link said brightly. Saria laughed and said goodbye. 

"Anytime you wish to speak to me, use Saria's song…" she called after him. Link waved goodbye and walked down the stairs. 

Something just occurred to Link as a Deku Nut hit him in the stomach. He didn't have a Deku Shield! He ran past the Deku Scrubs up the wooden ladder. He quickly ran over the tops of the walls of the maze, and dropped down to the ground by the entrance to the other maze.

Link was just about to enter the tunnel maze when something moved in his pocket. He took it out. It was the Stone of Agony one of the cured Skulltula kids had given him…but he never knew what it did.

"The said when it rumbles, there's a secret around. It's never worked before now," Link murmured, getting a bomb out and putting it on the ground.

"That should uncover some secrets!" Link screeched as he ran for cover. The bomb went off and he went flying into a wall. 

"Ow," he stated as he walked shakily to where he had placed the bomb. There was a seemingly bottomless black hole in the ground, and he leapt into it.

*

A bright light blinded Link and a familiar sound entered Link's ears. The sound of trapped souls moaning in droning agony. He blinked twice and two shapes came into view.

"Re-Re-Re-Redeads!! Aah!" Link cried, backing up a little. One tall, brown, featureless form was standing, on sitting with its arms wrapped around its bent knees. The only true feature of the undead Redeads before him was their faces. Their eyes and mouths were round, black holes, and the skin of their faces was shriveled and wrinkly. 

As the moaning grew louder, Link edged towards the Redeads. He readied Din's Fire, vaguely wondering if it would work on Redeads. 

The flames awakened the Redeads, but did nothing else. Link shrieked and ran, but one of the dead forms latched onto him, sucking out his energy slowly.

"Get…the hell…off!!!" Link cried; jabbing his sword blindly, for the Redead had covered his eyes. Link felt weaker, but he couldn't give up. He swished the sword, and heard a moan.

His Kokiri sword was embedded in the Redead's chest. He unstuck his little dagger and ran for his life.

"Life…"

"Life, give us your life…"

"Give us your soul…"

"Your energy…"

"Your being…"

Link ran towards the light portal as the Redeads called after him. All this trouble for money! He'd have to ask Zelda, wherever she was in the future, for a Saving-Hyrule salary.

*

Link sat outside the hole, panting. He drank a full bottle of milk that he won at Lon Lon. He felt much better. He sat up and walked lazily through the tunnel maze, subconsciously hiding the fact that he was severely shaken. 

Even though he walked with a calm stride, his face was screwed up with a look of surprise, horror, and relief to be alive. He put the Skull Mask on, and kept walking. 

Coming to a clearing where he had won his forty-seed Deku Nut bag. He jumped over the fence, and rolled when he landed. He went over to the stump and sat and waited for the Skull Twins. They appeared and took a step back.

"What's with your face?"

"Yeah, you turning into a Stalfos?"

"That'd be cool, we could play all day!"

"Hey, yeah!"

"Yeah!"

Link quickly removed his mask and the Skull Twins looked disappointed. At least, they looked as disappointed as they could with masks on. Link began to leave.

"Hey, Link!" one of the twins called. Link turned, and stopped walking.

"You seen that faceless fool over on the lone stump, huh?"

"Yeah, isn't he ugly?"

"Yeah, he has no face!"

"He's a disgrace to Stalfos everywhere!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!

Link sighed and walked away, climbing the wooden ladder. The Skull Twins shrugged and flipped off the stump and disappeared. 

"Jeez, if the Skull Twins talk about that kid over there, he must have it really tough," Link thought aloud, suddenly going over towards the kid's stump. 

Link stepped onto the smaller stump and waited. Within moments the faceless Stalfos appeared. His eyes were sad looking, and but he managed a friendly tone.

"Hey, Link," he said, sitting down on the stump.

"Hello," Link replied. The Skull Mask in his pocket was poking him, so he took it out. The faceless kid jumped off the tree stump and hurried to the mask.

"Hey! This looks just like the mask the Skull Twins wear!" the kid turned to Link. "Can I buy from you? I'll give you ten rupees I st-…I mean, _found _they other day!" 

This clicked with Link, the mask was worth thirty, but this kid was only giving him ten rupees. The kid fitted the mask to his face, and tossed two blue rupees at Link.

"You can call me Skull Face! Bye!" Skull Face called, happily vanishing into the forest.

"Wait! Oh…guess I need to pay the rest…argh, I'll come back here someday!" Link grumbled, warping to the Temple of Time grudgingly.

*

"Is something wrong? You don't have the mask, but you don't look happy," the owner of the Mask shop commented as Link stormed in.

"I'm happy," Link said, forcing a gruesome fake grin onto his face. He slammed thirty rupees on the counter. "Give the next mask, _please._"

The shop owner handed Link the new mask.

"Just have faith…"


End file.
